My Love/Hate Relationship with Being a Parent in the City

One of my favorite (albeit snarky) quotes about living in New York is from American novelist John Updike, “The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding.”

Now that we’re parents, Andrew and I have been thinking critically about where to really lay down our roots. On one hand, I miss my Midwest- and West Coast-based family. But on the other hand (as Updike says), I cannot imagine our family anywhere but New York. It’s New York! 

As we waffle on the question, “Where do we go from here?”, here are the things I love and hate about being a parent in New York City...

1. I love having the flexibility to dash around the corner for a midnight emergency diaper run.

Given that this is the city that never sleeps, there is always a bodega or corner store open when you realize you don’t have any more formula or you just dressed your newborn in your last diaper. 

2. I hate the city’s cost of living.

New York City is the most expensive city to live in within the United States. While there is something to be said about the grit and determination required to live in this pricey city (“If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere!”), it is incredibly discouraging to feel like you’re never really getting financially ahead, especially when you’re a parent.

3. I love the city’s busy social life and breadth of family-friendly activities.

You can’t ever be bored in New York City. Given how quickly I grow restless on the weekends, it’s a soothing comfort to know we are able to explore another museum, new playground, or zoo on short notice and with minimal planning.

4. I hate that, as populated as the city is, it can be lonely here as a parent.

While our local playground is always full of children Lee’s age and warm and friendly parents, it’s not especially easy to make parenting friends that go beyond the park gate. I don’t know if it’s because, “in New York, you never get to know your neighbors,” or if it’s just that people tend to switch up neighborhoods (either by moving or exploring new activities) more frequently, but I find it hard to buddy up to other city moms and dads.

5. I hate the lack of space and privacy.

New York apartments are notoriously tiny. But given how much time residents spend out and about, you don’t necessarily mind the tight quarters. That is, until we all remained in our apartments during the COVID pandemic, and our one-bedroom apartment felt suffocating for our family. Moreover, not having access to private outdoor space (like a backyard) made us feel particularly trapped. 

Even now that the parks are open again, there is a lot more for a parent to manage on a public playground compared to a private yard. From refereeing toddler toy battles (“Mine!” “No, mine!”) to keeping little ones off the big kid equipment, to packing up the diaper bag for a brief visit, it’s enough to make you want to stay home… and then resent the four walls of your small apartment.

6. I hate the stairs.

From the subway to our third-floor apartment, as a parent, I now despise how many stairs there are in this city.  

7. … But I just love the city.

For all its inconveniences, lack of amenities, and grimy subway stations, I still love New York City. I feel so fortunate that I am able to introduce Lee to vastly different cultures and experiences without leaving his hometown. 

I want to imbue Lee with a sense of independence and self-confidence and I feel like giving him access to the art, music, and vibrancy of the city will show him that he can embrace his unique interests with easier access to so many learning opportunities.

We want to hear from you: What do you love (or hate) about where your family lives? Have you ever made a big move to another city or state? Share your moving experiences with us at parentingstyleblog@gmail.com!