5 Weird Stressors I Felt About Lee Starting School

Lee started school earlier this summer and it has not been a smooth transition for any of us. While I was prepared for the separation anxiety, the crying drop-offs, and generally missing him during the day, I could not have anticipated the onslaught of anxiety, worries, and sadness that I would feel as a parent.

Here are the weird worries and unanticipated concerns I felt about my toddler starting preschool...

Parental Anxiety #1: Adjusting to the New Schedule

Given that I’ve been working from home for over a year and Lee’s nanny formerly came to our home to look after him, our morning routine was flexible. If Lee’s nanny arrived and Lee was still running around in a diaper, it wasn’t really a big deal. 

But now, our mornings are highly structured and we have to get out the door by a set time to ensure I can get back in time to start my work day. It’s been a huge adjustment for our family to promptly leave, drive Lee to school, and then find parking on our city streets.

To try and make mornings less hectic, I pack Lee’s lunches and snacks the night before, pull together anything he needs for school the next day in the evening, and wake up at 6 AM to get myself ready for the day before Lee gets up at 7 AM. This definitely means I’m pouring myself an extra cup of coffee by 10 AM, but it has kept us on track and on time without me freaking out in the morning.

Parental Anxiety #2: Packing Lunches and Snacks

Having Lee at home for so long, I got comfortable with making him grilled cheeses and quesadillas in a pinch. I also used to be able to adjust Lee’s afternoon snacks based upon his nutritional needs and gaps. For example, if he didn’t want to eat his apple with lunch, I could offer him some berries as an afternoon snack.

Now I need to thoughtfully plan and pack his lunches and snacks the night before. As I slice grapes and spread his sun butter sandwich, I stress about whether it’s enough food for him, if this will satisfy him until his next snack or meal, if it’s nutritious enough. 

To curtail these ongoing worries, I keep reminding myself of the Division of Responsibility, a feeding approach preached and practiced by child nutritionists and pediatricians far and wide: It's my responsibility to offer Lee nutritionally balanced meals and snacks with at least one familiar food (or a food that Lee consistently and dependably eats like blueberries or whole wheat crackers). And it is his responsibility to eat what his body needs. With this approach, I encourage Lee to continue listening to his body’s hunger pangs and “I’m full!” alerts. I also entrust him to ask for food as-needed, but am able to ensure his food options are still healthy ones.

Parental Anxiety #3: Being Aware of Other Children’s Allergies

Like most other schools, Lee’s classroom is a nut-free environment. Because Lee doesn’t have any allergies, I never had to be mindful of which foods include nut-based ingredients or are processed in a facility that also handles nuts. Now I am very afraid of unwittingly sending Lee to school with a granola bar in his lunchbox and causing one of his classmates to have an allergic reaction. 

I expressed this concern with other parents and, turns out, they have very similar concerns and shared suggestions on different brands (like Made Good) and snack hacks that I hadn’t previously considered (freeze-dried fruits, where have you been all Lee’s life!?). I also found this article, “30 Healthy Toddler Snacks” from Yummy Toddler Food helpful both for its specific recommendations and in inspiring balanced snack combinations.

Parental Anxiety #4: Getting Him the Right School Supplies and Gear

This definitely stems more from my shallow adolescent hang ups than anything, but I weirdly worry about Lee not having the same indoor shoes, water bottles, or sun hats as the other students. I am not concerned that his peers will snub their noses at Lee for not having the brand name sandals as the rest of them. My concerns stemmed more from wanting Lee to quickly feel like he was a part of the class he was joining.

I’ve asked my parenting friends and Lee’s teachers for tried-and-true product or brand recommendations which has helped assuage my hang-ups that I’m sending Lee to school in comfortable shoes and with a lunchbox that he can independently open.

Parental Anxiety #5: Feeling Uncomfortable or Nervous Asking for Help

Lee has no qualms asking me to help him open a snack or hand him something off the counter for him. But I was nervous that he may not feel that same comfort-level asking his teachers if he needed help. I flashback to a child-me at a friend’s slumber party and feeling too nervous to admit that I forgot my toothbrush and the dread I felt having to tell a friend’s parent that I need something like a glass of water. 

One of my parenting friends had a smart recommendation to help remind Lee that his teachers are ready, willing, and able to help him: Print photos of Lee with his teachers to post at home. Seeing his teachers’ faces outside of school and in the comfort of his own home reiterates to Lee that this kind network is here to support him.

In writing out this list, I realized how many of these fears I had for Lee are actually projections of my own childhood anxieties. I need to keep these concerns in check and remember that Lee is his own person. He will similarly learn to navigate the world of school with resilience and self-confidence and I should trust in his process and support him as he needs-- instead of me thinking this is the help he needs.

What back-to-school hang-ups do you have? Let us know at parentingstyleblog@gmail.com and we’ll share back some pointers to manage or alleviate those anxieties!