How to Be a Supportive Partner During Pregnancy

Of course, you’re attending the doctor’s appointments, skimming the parenting books, and maybe are forgoing your usual beer as an act of solidarity. And all of that is great, but there are other ways that you can be a supportive partner during pregnancy. Here’s how:

1. Recognize that your partner’s life has changed immediately. 

As soon as your partner becomes pregnant, her world is completely different than it was yesterday. Meanwhile, you get an extra nine months to fully comprehend the magnitude of and prepare for being a parent-- and get to continue drinking red wine and eating sushi and soft cheeses to boot. 

Remembering that your partner does not have that same adjustment grace period will immediately make you more sensitive and sympathetic to sudden declarations of, “We need to pick a stroller now,” and “I signed us up for a breastfeeding course in seven months.” Her mind is already shifting into “I’m a parent” mode and acting accordingly. 

2. Share your opinion and engage in conversation about baby gear, the nursery paint color, or whatever else your partner asks you about.

When I was expecting, I felt like I had to be the de facto expert in all things baby, from tracking the fetus’s development to knowing the pros and cons of each model of pack-and-play. While I was the head researcher, I always appreciated when Andrew had an opinion about baby monitors or whether or not we needed a newborn snowsuit in June. It is so simple, but having basic feedback (even if it’s, “I agree with you”) is so much more reassuring and comforting than hearing, “I don’t know,” “Whatever you think,” or (the absolute worst), “Does it matter?” 

Not having her partner weigh in (even to just confirm her opinion) makes the mom-to-be feel like she has to be the final decider and what if she picks “wrong”? It will be her fault when things go awry! Expressing your opinion is a way for you to demonstrate that you are thinking about parenthood as seriously as she is, that this is a mutual decision, and she’s not going it alone.

And if you do not know how to answer or disagree with her, speak up in a non-judgmental way: “Ya know, I haven’t given it much thought, so let me think on it for a moment,” and return later with a considered response.

3. On a similar note, demonstrate that you are a unified front, especially in the face of other people’s unwarranted opinions.

There may be times when someone will pass judgment on a parenting choice you make for your family, “Oh, you decided not to breastfeed, huh? Well, you know breast is best…” Hopefully these graceless instances will be few and far between, but if you ever encounter those types of unwarranted and unwanted comments, reply with, “We felt this was the right approach for us.” Using the word “we” reminds your partner (and the rude offender) that these decisions were made as a family, not by her alone. 

4. Encourage your partner to take naps-- and then run errands for her.

Throughout my pregnancy and early motherhood, I was so annoyingly stubborn about not taking naps, as if they were a sign of weakness that I couldn’t hack it as a mother. I always said there was too much to do and that I “didn’t have time to rest.” Fortunately, I had Andrew who would tuck me into bed like a child to effectively force me to take a nap. 

So, if you suspect your partner may be burning themselves out, step in and suggest they rest for a bit. But-- and this is the most important part-- a part of that is that you need to commandeer the chore list and run all of the errands in your partner’s stead; it doesn’t quite help your partner out if she naps but still needs to write baby shower thank you cards when she wakes up.

5. Update your household’s division of the chore list. 

If your partner usually handles chores that require literal heavy lifting, start taking those to-dos on now. Eventually, your partner won’t be able to safely physically haul the laundry to the laundromat or bring the groceries in from the car, so you should preemptively step in to cover those household items now.

6. Re-consider whether or not she wants to hear compliments about her body.

This bullet point may be of personal preference: When I was pregnant, I did not have the pregnancy glow or felt especially attractive. So Andrew would not have won any brownie points with compliments like, “I’ve never seen you look so beautiful.” I was acutely aware of every new stretch mark and visible vein, so I did not any flowery remarks said about my physique or appearance however sincere or good-intentioned they may have been. What I did appreciate was hearing things like, “I’m so excited to meet our baby,” or “You’re already an incredible mom,” or, “Our baby is already so loved.” 

With all that said, think about your partner and whether or not they are enjoying pregnancy to determine if commenting on their attractiveness would be welcomed or make them self-conscious. 

If you’re mom-to-be, what other things does your partner do to show their support? Share them with us at parentingstyleblog@gmail.com as we’d love to pass them along to other expecting parents.