5 Things I’m Going to do Differently with Baby #2

Let me preface this with: I don’t have any regrets about how I raised my first born. 

But in reflecting on those early long days (and longer nights), there are many ways I could have made my life as a new parent easier that, for one reason or another, I avoided, pursued or didn’t prioritize.

From letting go of unrealistic expectations and prioritizing my mental and physical well-being more, here are the five things that I hope to do differently or improve upon when we have our second child...

1. Lighten up on my personal expectations during the first three months.

When I was on maternity leave with Lee, I stubbornly insisted that I could still do it all: keep the house tidy, the hamper empty, the fridge stocked, and myself together. I was proud and had a twisted outlook that I controlled the household domain, so if it wasn’t neat and orderly, then I was failing and falling into a chaotic spiral. 

I tried to power through the sleep deprivation and physical healing to ensure there were no dirty dishes in the sink, the living room was vacuumed, and my work inbox was combed through regularly. Clearly these self-imposed expectations just stressed and wore me out completely. And (in hindsight), for what? I gained so little by working myself so hard.

So, with our next baby, I aim to relieve myself of the burden of maintaining an immaculate home and treat myself more gently.

2. Create safe spaces for the baby early on.

We lived in a one bedroom apartment when Lee was just learning to creep and crawl. Given our limited storage space, we were forced to keep a lot of items out and in the open (like our shoes and handbags or Lee’s stroller) that should have been tucked away or moved well out of reach. 

We were also reluctant to set up a freestanding baby gate that we felt would occupy a significant footprint in our teeny apartment. Instead we chose to spend the next several months constantly lunging after and scooping up Lee to keep him from getting into trouble. It was so tedious for all three of us! 

This next baby-go-around, we’re going to install a baby gate before our newborn is mobile so they have a safe place to explore without our constant and irritating intervention. Also, by introducing the baby gate early on, our infant won’t feel like they’re trapped; they’ll see the baby gate as any other piece of furniture. 

3. Nap whenever possible.

Before Lee, I hated napping. It always threw off my day and left me groggy and feeling lazy. So when I was a new mom, I figured that Lee’s nap time was my time to get things done and not rest myself. With this approach I was unwittingly working against my own recovery. I was also snacking constantly to just give myself enough fuel to keep going. 

Now I learned my lesson and, when it comes to our next child, I will seize every opportunity to nap. For more pointers on how to nap when baby naps (a tall order, I know), check out my tips in this blog post. 

4. Fixate less on milestones and appreciate my new baby’s personal developmental timeline.

Like a lot of other first-time moms, I was anxious to know that Lee was healthy, so referencing the universally recognized milestones seemed like the best way to reassure myself that Lee was “on track.” I was obsessed with my newborn hitting the core milestones and was constantly looking ahead to when Lee should be rolling over, sitting up, crawling and so forth.

After one early check-up, our pediatrician indicated that Lee didn’t have particularly strong neck strength and we should do more Tummy Time. I panicked and instituted what I jokingly referred to as Tummy Time Bootcamp to help Lee “catch up” to the milestone. He never resented Tummy Time, but I was definitely anxiously hovering over him and silently willing him to practice more and pick his head up higher. 

The reality is, Lee would have built neck strength without my mandated exercise regime. All I brought to the table was stress and these expectant looks that told Lee, “What you can do is of no interest to me. I’m only judging on what you can’t do,” which is a pessimistic way of looking at your child’s growth and development.

With baby #2, I hope to ease up on the frequent Google searches of, “When do newborns smile? When do babies sit up on their own? When do infants start babbling? When do...“ and not rush my second baby’s development. I hope I am more appreciative of the subtle movements the baby can accomplish on its own and trust that they will thrive if I lovingly support them.

5. Treat the diapering process as a bonding opportunity.

Since having Lee, I’ve become a student of the Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) which emphasizes the importance of diaper changes as a time to slow down and focus your entire attention on your child. This was a total unlock for me: you have to diaper your baby constantly, so why not elevate the routine into a playful (yet productive) time for you and your baby? 

Before I entertained the RIE diapering method, I would power through Lee’s diaper changes silently and without expression or emotion. At first this approach was fine, but, once Lee became mobile, he hated diaper changes and would do barrel rolls on the changing pad as I wrestled him into a clean diaper. To course-correct this attitude, we implemented a handful of RIE techniques to make diapering less of a battle and, to my surprise and immense relief, they actually worked! For more on the RIE diapering methods we employed to change our toddler’s diapering attitude, read our blog post here.

With Baby #2, I hope to implement the RIE mindset (particularly around diapering) early. I think it will help us avoid that same rough patch when Lee hated his diaper changes.

With all that said, let’s see how well I manage to keep these promises to myself. What about you: Has your parenting approach changed between your first and your second child? Tell us how at parentingstyleblog@gmail.com.