5 Things to Never Say to a Pregnant Woman
“You’re huge!”
“You know your hair is going to fall out as soon as you give birth.”
“Is sex so weird now?!”
There are a lot of cringe-inducing comments people will say to pregnant women-- most of which are well-intentioned but ultimately not appreciated.
Here are the five things you should never say to a pregnant woman:
1. “Sounds like you have pregnancy brain already!”
Pregnancy brain is a very real phenomenon in which expecting mom’s minds are foggy or unfocused. It leads to the occasional moment of, “Why did I come into the room again?” or, “What did I need from the grocery store?” or, “Crap, I left my lunch in the fridge at home.”
While pregnancy brain does exist, I always resented whenever people would make sly or cheeky comments about having pregnancy brain. When I was pregnant, it felt like my mind was constantly adding to a never-ending, always-growing list of to-dos: questions to ask the doctor, items to add to the baby registry, and child development queries to research. From my point of view, my mind was a jumble of things I had to remember, so it is unsurprising that things would fall through the cracks, pregnancy brain or not, and I really did not appreciate people joking about me dropping the ball. After all, who wants to be called out like that?
2. “Ohmigod, my girlfriend had an awful pregnancy and horrifying labor…”
Regardless of how many birthing or pregnancy classes a mom-to-be has taken, how many dry-runs she and her partner have done to the hospital, or how calm she seems, most expecting moms are nervous about going into labor and giving birth. Therefore, piling on horror stories about someone giving birth in their building’s lobby or the epidural not working is only going to heighten her anxiety.
3. “I’ve heard that eating for two is a myth…”
No one should comment on how much or little a woman (pregnant or not) is eating. It’s just straight-up rude and unwarranted.
4. “Stop worrying so much!”
Throughout my pregnancy, I worried about things I could not control or predict: what if the baby has colic? What if I get a clogged milk duct? What if the baby has jaundice? I will fully admit that it is not productive or helpful to obsess over these possibilities, but they concerned me nonetheless.
“You’re worrying too much!” was always said with love and the hopes that it soothed my worried head. But all it did was make me feel dismissed and a little ridiculous.
So, if your loved one is anxious about their soon-to-arrive newborn not latching or whether or not the paint smell will air out of the nursery, don’t dismiss their feelings. Having you as a caring sounding board can be cathartic and comfort an apprehensive mom.
But, if your friend or family member is demonstrating worrisome behavior (like expressing a sense of worthlessness or doesn’t seem to break out of their anxious mood after two weeks), they may have prenatal depression and you should alert their partner of your observations and concerns and encourage them to tell their doctor to see if professional intervention is needed.
5. “I have an old stroller for you! You have to take it! I insist you take it!”
Offering your old baby gear to expecting parents is very generous and always appreciated. That said, do not force the parents-to-be to take your hand-me-down jogging stroller or footie pajamas. Granted, the baby swing may have been a Godsend to you, but it may not necessarily suit the recipient’s lifestyle or space. With all your good intention, you may unwittingly saddle the new parents with baby gear that is just going to collect dust. A more appropriate approach would be, “I have a [bassinet/pack-n-play/car seat] that you could have. Let me know if you’d like to take a look at it and it’s yours if you want it!”
As a follow-up to this list, here are the five things you should never say to a new mom-- plus five things to say instead!