The “Controversial” Parenting Methods We Chose
A note before we begin: this is not a parent shaming post. We recognize that our parenting choices are not for everyone. Our aim, though, is to demystify some of the confusion or misunderstandings of three “controversial” parenting methods that actually have proven benefits for children and share why we chose these particular approaches.
Here are three seemingly controversial parenting methods we employed that may not warrant their negative reputation...
Baby-Led Weaning
When Lee was ready for solid foods, we practiced baby-led weaning (BLW) which is the practice of skipping over purees in favor of finger foods, like bananas and avocados, that the baby feeds themselves. We took a course from Feeding Littles to learn more about BLW and found it invaluable in helping us get started.
Why We Chose Baby-Led Weaning
The BLW approach improves fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination as the baby practices getting food into their mouth.
Self-feeding also fosters mindful and intuitive eating. You’ll be amazed at how in tune your baby is with their body and they will stop eating as soon as they are full. (Conversely, many adults, myself included, have conditioned themselves to ignore the “I’m full!” light that goes off in their heads and eat more than their body really needs.)
Although not enough research has been done on the practice yet, BLW also seems to lead to a diverse food palate (including different flavors and textures) and improved eating habits overall.
The Controversies and Drawbacks of Baby-Led Weaning
The biggest concern with BLW is choking. A core lesson in the Feeding Littles course was to identify the difference between choking and gagging. Gagging is a common reflexive safety mechanism as your baby learns to chew and swallow solids. Choking is (obviously) dangerous and scary, but it’s also not more likely to happen with BLW than traditional spoon-feeding according to a New Zealand study.
One (less serious) drawback is that BLW makes a total mess. Because your baby is encouraged to rub yogurt all over their face and smash avocados with their hands, the post-meal clean up can take a while.
The Ferber Sleep Training Method
Once Lee was ready for sleep training (around 4 months), we employed the Ferber Method. The crib sheets on the Ferber Method: put your drowsy baby down into their crib and leave them to fall asleep solo. If they cry, you wait a set period of time before calmly re-entering the room to swiftly soothe them without picking them up. If the baby cries again, you wait a little longer than the first round to go back in. You repeat this as needed, increasing the waiting intervals each time. This routine teaches your baby to self-soothe so they can independently fall asleep.
Why We Chose the Ferber Method
The Ferber Method fundamentally made sense to us and it was really efficient: Lee was sleep trained within three days.
The Misunderstandings and Requirements of the Ferber Method
The Ferber Method is oftentimes confused with the outdated “Cry It Out” approach which is basically ignoring your baby until they cry themselves to sleep. The reality is that the Ferber Method sets regular check-in times to console your baby and gently coaches them to not rely on their parents and, eventually, to lull themselves back asleep.
And something to note: The Ferber Method requires a solid commitment from all parents and caregivers to wait the allotted time which can be challenging for some parents to bear. If you and your partner are not aligned on this approach, it will not be as effective and more likely to lead to a lot of frustration all around.
Montessori
Developed by Dr. Maria Montessori in the 1900s, the Montessori practice was a total paradigm shift in children’s education that moved away from rote memorization and, instead, emphasized experiential learning. A hallmark of Montessori is self-directed and self-paced play which allows children to select whichever item (or material) captures their attention and gives them uninterrupted work periods to concentrate on said item.
Why We Chose a Montessori Household
I went to a Montessori preschool and strongly feel that that unique learning environment shaped me to be more independent, a problem solver, and an enthusiastic student who enjoys learning. I wanted the same values to be instilled in Lee and so we incorporated Montessori principles into our home life.
The Criticisms and Misunderstandings of Montessori
Montessori has been criticized for being too loosey-goosey and lacking the traditional classroom structure and order: Kids essentially roam about the classroom and pick up materials that seem interesting for a seemingly open-ended stretch of time. This makes it seem as if children run amok in some free-for-all for toys.
Thankfully that is not the case. Dr. Montessori emphasized grace and courtesy in the classroom, so children practice polite social norms like cleaning up after themselves and respecting their classmates who are doing their own work. As an extension of this, Montessori classrooms are deliberately laid out so children can find and return items independently and have ample space to work solo or collaboratively as they choose.
Also, there is a common misunderstanding that Montessori squashes creativity, because of its focus on practical life skills-- which can look like a lot of cleaning and chores. At this young age, toddlers really want to understand and contribute to their environment; believe it or not, your toddler genuinely wants to help you unload the dryer and sort the silverware. As they hone these fine motor skills and their hand-eye coordination, your toddler’s body and mind are gearing up for reading and writing and eventually more sophisticated arts and crafts in the near future.
Again, we recognize that these parenting methods are not for every family. But these methods were in step with our authoritative and respectful parenting style so they worked for us. If you feel that they may work for your family too, explore more about our parenting style here!