7 Ways to Help New Parents When You’re Scared of Holding the Baby

It’s a bit of a running joke in my family that my sister’s boyfriend, as loving and as kind-hearted as he is, is terrified of holding the baby. When Lee was born, he flew in to visit, but only peered at Lee from afar. But I really can’t blame him for being freaked out! Newborns have so many needs just to be held safely and comfortably: cradle their head, move their arm out of the way, hold them at the right angle so they don’t spit up...

If you fall into this skittish camp, take solace: Simply cuddling a newborn isn’t the only way to express your love and excitement for the new parents. Here are seven helpful and thoughtful ways to show your support of new parents when you’re, frankly, scared to actually hold the baby...

1. Drop off food (and maybe booze) for the family.

An easy way to be a big help to a family with a newborn is to bring them a meal, either from a local restaurant or prepared by you personally. For reasons unknown, some new parents get really sheepish about taking you up on an offer to pick up food, so simply alleviate their social awkwardness: tell the new parents you’re going to swing by their favorite restaurant and ask what they’d like. 

2. Do a groceries- or diaper-and-wipes-run.

A parent will never not need diapers and wipes-- and they always realize they have no more diapers left in the middle of the night. So, similar to dropping off dinner, ask if you can pick up some groceries for the new family or what diaper brand and size their littlest one is wearing.

3. Offer to watch the baby in the evening, after the baby has been put down for the night.

Once the baby hits about the three month mark (maybe earlier in some instances), they often can reliably sleep from 7 or 8 PM to about 10 or 11 PM before they rouse for a nighttime feeding. Offer to watch the baby during this window of time since the baby is not likely to need anything from you and sleep the whole time its parents are away getting a drink around the corner or a breath of fresh air around the neighborhood. I would recommend asking someone who feels more comfortable with newborns to baby sit with you just in case the newborn fusses or needs a dirty diaper to be changed at night.

4. Take photos of the growing family.

If you get to visit the new parents and baby in person, offer to snap photos of them holding the infant. Reflecting on the first few weeks with Lee, I realized that there are virtually no photos of Lee, Andrew, and me-- literally hundreds of photos of Lee sleeping, but none of us as a new family. I would have deeply appreciated it if someone offered to snap a few pics of us for my memory book!

5. Ask questions about the baby and how everyone is doing. 

Expressing your interest and asking after the family’s well-being shows that you’re interested and care about how everyone is recovering and thriving. Even if it’s a simple text, it can be really touching to hear from someone who is simply checking in and seeing how you all are doing. 

6. Assemble the baby’s furniture, stroller, or other accessories for the parents.

From baby carriers to pack n’ plays there are lots of odd items that need to be assembled after the baby is born. And if it wasn’t done before the baby arrived, it’s likely a daunting project for the new parents. Offer to help cross something off their to-do list like installing the baby gate or moving the furniture to unfurl the play room play mat. And if you really want to go the extra mile for the family: break down the boxes and bring the recycling out with you when you leave.

7. Offer to visit with the family in their home or backyard. 

A truly simple way to demonstrate your thoughtfulness is to suggest you come to them. It’s incredibly stressful for new parents to get themselves and their newborn ready for an out-of-home visit, even to go to a cafe around the corner from their apartment. Relieve them of the stress of loading up the diaper bag and stroller and plan on visiting with the family on their home turf.

And while we’re on the subject of first visits, be sure to read through our list of what to say-- and perhaps more importantly, what not to say-- to a new mom…