My Experience Job Hunting While Visibly Pregnant
When I was seven months pregnant, I found myself very unexpectedly out of a job. I was laid off after the start-up I was working for was unable to secure a round of funding and had to abruptly shutter its doors.
I envisioned my third trimester would be centered around freezing lasagna dinners, washing onesies in non-allergenic laundry detergent, and obsessively re-packing my hospital bag. But alas, I found myself seven months pregnant, waiting in office lobbies in a loose-fitting dress, and ignoring the flutters and kicks in my belly as I mentally rehearsed my interview responses.
Here is my experience job hunting while pregnant:
My anxiety was at an all-time high.
Like most expecting first-time moms, I was nervously awaiting my due date and already tightly wound. So layering on a job hunt left me completely manic.
What stressed me out most was that Andrew and I relied on my job for our family’s health insurance. When I was laid off, I was offered one month of COBRA, but the cost was staggering and not one we had budgeted. That said, it was still more affordable than footing the bill for a hospital delivery without insurance, so I was grateful to have that option at least.
This health insurance issue ramped up the pressure I felt to get hired immediately. So, fueled with nervous energy, I wasted no time in starting my job hunt and immediately reached out to every recruiter I could find on LinkedIn. I asked everyone in my network to keep an ear to the ground for me. I also created several versions of my resume to suit specific roles for which I would be qualified.
I told every recruiter I was pregnant and let them handle the conversation with the hiring company.
Within our initial conversations, I let the recruiters know that I was pregnant. The overwhelming majority told me that it wasn’t an issue and reassured me that my pregnancy could not be a determining factor in my candidacy.
(There was one outlier who admonished me for looking for a job while pregnant and lectured me that she, “couldn’t, in good faith, place me at a company knowing that I would have to take maternity leave soon after starting. How would that be fair to the company?” I told her that, given her strong opinions, there was little sense in us continuing a conversation-- and then I hung up the phone and cried hot tears of rage.)
The recruiters also offered to let the company know that I was pregnant on my behalf, sparing me of having to find the appropriate time within the interview to casually mention that I would need to take maternity leave less than three months after my start date.
Although the recruiter was aware I was pregnant, I did not bring it up until the second round of interviews.
Most of the recruiters and human resources representatives I met with advised me to just get through the first interview and bring it up in the second round once I had been identified as a strong candidate.
I was deeply stressed about having to tell my would-be manager that I was pregnant. I felt like I was somehow already letting them down. And when I did say the p-word (pregnant), there would be times when I could see them shift uneasily in their chair as if they were disappointed in my news and mentally crossing me off their candidate list. I surprised myself by how quickly I tried to please them with apologetic bargaining, “I’m only planning on taking a month off,” or, “I’d be happy to work remotely during my maternity leave.”
Even though I was so quick to soothe their worries, I noted the companies that seemed reluctant to hire me because I was pregnant. If they’re not supportive of me while I’m pregnant, will they be supportive of me when my toddler catches a cold or has a dentist appointment? As desperate as I was to get hired anywhere, I hoped that the company that ultimately hired me would be more accommodating of working parents.
I had to make peace with an abbreviated maternity leave.
Throughout this whole application and interview process, I had to grapple with the idea of a short maternity leave. I had originally planned on taking three months off to bond with my newborn. But the feedback I received (from recruiters, managers, and human resources representatives) was that I would not qualify for a proper maternity leave as a new hire, but (maybe, possibly, potentially) could use up all of my vacation days to cobble together a pseudo-maternity leave.
I was deeply bitter and felt unfairly robbed of this critical time with my new baby. We hadn’t started our nanny search yet, because I thought there was still time to interview candidates, so I was nervous about leaving my newborn with a nanny who was a stranger to me, too.
Seeing my pain and anguish, Andrew decided to take a month off of his work, so I could rest assured that our newborn was in Dada’s loving hands when I had to return to work (assuming I got a job). As a freelance photographer, it was simple for Andrew to take the time; he didn’t have to negotiate with a boss or alert HR. But it was also a hard decision to make as the photography industry is very competitive; Andrew could quickly become obsolete after turning down jobs as there is always another photographer waiting in the wings. Moreover, as a freelancer in any industry, work can be sporadic and unpredictable, so you don’t know if the paid gig you turned down maybe your only offer of the month.
I got a job offer, but my new manager wasn’t aware I was pregnant.
Through a friend of a friend, I got a lead on a job opening at a large fashion brand. I immediately applied and let them know I was pregnant in the initial screening.
Once I made it through the first round of phone interviews, I had an in-person interview. I wore a loose-fitting dress that hid the size of my growing baby bump and, at the direction of my human resources contact, did not mention that I was pregnant. After another round of interviews and a creative project, I received a job offer.
Needless to say, I was ecstatic. But my relieved excitement was curtailed by an email I received shortly after from my new manager. She congratulated me and expressed her excitement at working together and added a note that she had no idea I was pregnant.
Ohmigod.
I panicked: HR didn’t tell her, I’d been hired under false pretenses, and she probably hated me already because I misled her!
She asked if we could have a quick call and I quickly agreed, eager to clear the air about my pregnancy and reassure her I would still be a dedicated and hard-working employee and that hiring me wasn’t a mistake. My new manager surprised me and opened up the conversation with her own personal experience about coming back from maternity leave too soon and encouraged me to take the time I needed to be with my baby. Even in the wake of her empathetic pleas to not rush back to the office, I found myself quickly blurting out my usual lines about not requiring much maternity time and volunteering to work remotely during my leave. She graciously said, “We can discuss this once you officially start.”
And finally, after two long, stressful, and emotionally overwhelming weeks, I breathed easy. I was still anxious about starting the job and wrestled with a lot of guilt in the first few days; I was nervous my team would be annoyed and inconvenienced with my sudden and prolonged absence.
Reflecting upon the experience, there were a lot of moments when I felt weirdly judged for and like I had to overcompensate for being pregnant. While I don’t have much advice for any expecting parents who are in the job market, my main takeaways are:
Don’t feel compelled or pressured to apologize for being pregnant while looking for a new job. There are open-minded managers who recognize that a several monthlong maternity leave is not that much time in the grand scheme of your (hopefully years-long) tenure with the company.
Steer clear of any company that expresses reluctance in hiring a pregnant woman. If your interviewer is already asking when you can be back at your desk after giving birth, they’re likely not going to be understanding when you need to rush your little one to the pediatrician or need to call out because your nanny caught a cold.
Be transparent about your pregnancy for your own peace of mind. It is an uncomfortable conversation to have, but at least let the recruiting manager or human resources know that you are pregnant to avoid any weirdness (for lack of a better word) later on.