7 Unofficial Parenting Rules of the Toddler Playground
Lee loves the playground and happily spends hours of his days there. But for us parents, going to the playground can be tedious; I’m basically a toddler bodyguard, shadowing Lee to keep him from falling off playground equipment or putting something in his mouth.
I am also very awkward around other parents. How do I introduce myself? Can Lee play with your toy? Oh crap, someone has Lee’s toy, so how do I get it back?
After logging hours at the playground, here are some of the unofficial playground rules for parents that I picked up on:
1. If you bring a toy from home, it is now fair game.
“What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is ours,” seems to be the mindset of all toddlers. So if you plan on bringing toys from home, be prepared to share. Bubbles, balls, and sidewalk chalk in particular will draw a crowd.
Furthermore, in toddler logic, another child’s toy is always infinitely more interesting and enticing than whatever you brought. Whenever we bring a ball for Lee, he only wants another kid’s ball. So whatever you bring is likely to be snapped up by another child and similarly not hold your child’s interest as long as you thought it would.
That said, if you bring a toy that you don’t want to share, store it in your diaper bag or stroller basket so as not to tempt other children.
2. Consider dedicating a set group of toys exclusively for the park.
I get it: the park can get boring if you're going to the same slide and swings day-in and day-out. Bringing toys from home can be a way to infuse fresh energy into the sandbox or playground blacktop.
But there are serious drawbacks to bringing a shovel and pail from home if you have a toddler between 18 months and 3 years old: Their developing minds haven't quite grasped the concept of taking turns or sharing (which is a harder exchange for them to understand). This can lead to a lot of possessive screaming of, "No! That's mine!"
If your little one seems unwilling to share at the playground, reserve a tote bag's worth of toys that designated only for the park and, by extension, sharing. By having toys that are only pulled out at the playground, your toddler is less likely to feel a particularly strong or sentimental sense of ownership over that ball or truck.
There are times when Lee will want to bring a toy from home and we'll ask him, "Will you be able to share that toy with other kids? If not, it should stay home." He'll think for a moment about whether or not he could share it and usually decides to put it back on his toy shelf.
3. If your child picks up a toy that isn’t theirs, try to identify to whom it belongs.
Lee constantly picks up balls, bubble wands, and matchbox cars all around the park. I try my best to identify who owns the toy-du-jour and ask the parent, “Is it okay for him to play with it?” The overwhelming response is, “Yes, of course!” but I also don’t take it personally if the parent hesitates and says no.
If Lee picks up a seemingly abandoned toy (like a frisbee that is underneath a slide with no one nearby), I will return it to wherever he found it once he’s done playing with it just in case.
4. Engage parents once your children have played together for five minutes.
Lee will sometimes pal around with another kid for a while. So once he has seemingly latched onto a new friend for about five minutes, I introduce Lee and myself to the other toddler’s parent or guardian. There are days when he’ll flit about from one kid to another, so it feels a little silly to try and similarly greet each new adult.
If your or their child breaks away and is bee-lining it for the jungle gym, a simple, “Gotta go! Nice chatting with you and hope to see you here again!” is a perfectly polite farewell. Do not feel obligated to bring your little one back to continue playing with their newly found friend if they are entertaining themselves with something else.
5. If you chatted with someone, say goodbye on your way out.
Once it’s time to leave, bid farewell to any acquaintances. We will buckle Lee into his stroller and wheel him over to any parents or new friends to say goodbye and return any toys Lee was holding on to. Alternatively, a simple wave across the park is equally acceptable.
6. If you need a toy back from another kid, grab it as you’re leaving.
Occasionally another child will hold onto Lee’s toy while we’re getting ready to leave. If that happens, I buckle Lee into his stroller and then go up to the child and ask for the toy back. I’m surprised at how many children understand, “We’re leaving now. May we have the ball back?” and will just turn the ball over. Admittedly, if the child says, “No!” and runs away, I will just calmly wait until their parents intervene.
7. Say "thank you" or "sorry" on behalf of your toddler instead of forcing them to say it.
Of course, we want our toddlers to feel empathy and demonstrate that they have good manners. But insisting your child apologize for taking a ball or thanking someone for sharing a toy is not best approach. As with most things, when we force our child to do anything, the less they are willing to cooperate or do it on their own accord. (Think back to a time you demanded your child finish their broccoli. What happened? They likely freaked out and stubbornly threw it at your face, simply because you asked them to eat it.)
The best way to encourage your child to say, "thank you," or, "I'm sorry," is for us parents to demonstrate those good graces ourselves, especially when addressing other children at the playground. Modeling polite and courteous behavior is going to make a bigger and longer-lasting impression on your child than lording over them and insisting, "You need to say you're sorry..." Or "What's the magic word?"
If your child runs off with someone's toy, help them save face by returning it to the other child and sincerely say, "I'm really sorry Lee took your truck." If you feel that an offense needs to be addressed, objectively narrate what happened without criticizing your munchkin, "You took that kid's truck and that made them upset." This lays the foundational groundwork for them to feel and practice empathy.
Because I clearly lack experience and knowledge on the subject, this post did not cover anything on disciplining your child or reacting if they get hit by another kid. But I know this behavior is an inevitability. So to prepare myself, I’ve turned to Janet Lansbury, a parent educator who trained under the founder of the Resource for Infant Carers (RIE) Magda Gerber. Here are some articles and podcasts on her website that I found particularly interesting:
If there are any other playground rules or faux-pas we need to know about, email us at parentingstyleblog@gmail.com!